I remember a phase I was going through when I was using a computer mouse so often for school that I started to treat my remote control in the same manner by moving it around on the bed or couch, expecting it to respond to me. Of course, this led to brief moments of confusion, though I admit that this was not an isolated experience and occurred more often than it should have. Staying up late to write papers probably had ill effects on me!
Fast forward to today, I realize that being utterly immersed in one thing can have an effect on something else. This revealed itself in a discussion I had with my husband regarding my primary pet peeve with myself whenever I open my mouth. In explaining how it is I speak and why it bugs me so much, he was able to instantaneously identify why I do what I do (whilst inwardly, I'm thinking of Romans 7:15 - I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.).
His simple answer? My pet peeve is likely due to the fact that I'm a reader.
I don't know why I never saw this before, but the more I analyze his response, the more I realize that it's probably true.
What's my major pet peeve? I hate that whenever I relay a conversation, I end up quoting someone else in first person, usually with a preface, and then launching into whatever it is they say. It is entirely subconscious until I nearly always catch myself after I do what I tell myself to stop doing. In relaying this to my husband and the struggles I have in being able to just repeat someone else's sentiment in third person, he casually mentioned that I speak the way I read.
In fact, as I'm recounting this experience, my fingers are itching to type the following:
After a momentary beat, he matter-of-factly states, "It's because you talk the way books are written. You aren't just recounting someone else's experience. You're giving the listener a chance to hear the words directly."
Mind you, I'm not a fictional writer; however, my mind was blown after this. Instead of hating the way I end up talking (and likely sounding to others), it allowed me to see things in a different light. Perhaps being a reader and being so used to hearing someone's own voice has shaped the way I approach conversations. Though I still get annoyed by myself when I speak in other people's first person voices (how confusing is that?!), could it be that this is a reflection of enjoying how words are captured so much that my brain unintentionally performs the same act?
I'm still ruminating on this, but thought I'd share this funny anecdote as a reminder that the things we frequently do can often influence seemingly unrelated things elsewhere. Whether it's a remote control that my brain is convinced is a mouse or a dialogue where I end up sounding like a book, it's both humbling to think of how we are wired and a little sobering that if I end up doing something not so good, it could have a spillover effect to other parts of my life. This is all the more reason to guard my mind, heart, and life!
Though my frustrations with my speech aren't major and may just be a real-life (side) effect of reading, I'm very thankful that a few verses after Paul reflects on how difficult it is to do the good we want to do, he proclaims, "Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" (Romans 7:25a).
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