Opinions about Opinions

I listened to an audiobook recently that brought up an interesting discourse on the nature of modesty for Christians, which went beyond the concept of dress or appearance. Rather, it was about how we engage with others and the extent to which we expose ourselves on a more philosophical level. 

This was great timing for me as I've been thinking about the concept of people who participate in offering "opinions about opinions," which could serve to be another form of exposure, and in this case, made me wonder if overexposing my thoughts could be construed as a form of immodesty.

I won't be offering a full book review here as there were some issues I had with the book (despite agreeing with some of the content in theory), but Five Lies of Our Anti-Christian Age by Rosaria Butterfield does offer a lot to think through, especially for Christian women. The last lie that she covered was actually the one that affected me most. With apologies to the punctuation and formatting as I transcribed the following quote based off the audiobook, I thought I'd share one of the points that she made:

"Discourse on social media is public and has created a Christian world where seemingly everything is public. Confusing public and private has created great personal pain for people. It has created false conflicts, discouraged reconciliation, and has falsified the rightful place of the keys of the Kingdom, which Jesus Christ has given to the church, not the Internet.

Actual journalism is different from an Internet brawl. I have benefited greatly from women in journalism. Biblical journalism is a blessing to the church, but not everyone with a blog or a brand engages public conflicts with godly conduct.

And on this point, Christian women need to be careful. I have seen reputations ruined, not because of what other people said about Christian women, but because of their own conduct. The bottom line is this: when modesty is exchanged for exhibitionism and then promoted as a new Christian virtue, especially in our social media-infused world, no one is more hurt by it than women. For women who wish to conduct themselves with modesty as the Lord desires, we need to be mindful of our social media footprint. 

Regardless of what others do or say, we are called to be above reproach. The Internet escalates gossip, slander, and irreconcilable breeches of fellowship. The people you are directed by God to influence, even if they are no longer in your home, deserve private communication. Loving your children, church, and neighbors is a high calling. If a Christian woman has the reputation of loving her Twitter neighbor while neglecting her real one, this is a vile testimony indeed. A healthy dose of modesty could bring us all to our senses."

Breaking this down into four points, I wanted to share a little bit about what God has been teaching me through other interactions I've had with people and some of this text. Together, I've come to a few practical applications for my life that I'm happy to share here.

1. I really appreciate the delineation between private and public realms in this quote. Incidentally, I wrote a post on the topic of privacy in a public setting back in December; however, I hadn't really touched on how being public all the time can affect interpersonal relationships or how this confusion between the two realms can lead to pain. The line that stopped me in my tracks was about how the keys of the Kingdom are given to the church, not the Internet. It's not to say that Internet ministry isn't valid or necessary, but it does keep me from giving all of my time and efforts to a platform that may or may not be the best way to reach the people that God has called me to.
2. This is a sobering reminder that having a blog or a brand does not extend to nor does it always accurately reflect our behaviour. How many times have I been disappointed at how people have conducted themselves online? How many times has the temptation been there for me to engage in the same actions? I'm not saying that my online record is spotless, but it is a call to keep asking God for His help in how I conduct myself digitally as well.
3. I struggle with the concept of exhibitionism and am grateful that I've chosen to remain anonymous. Though I've had aspirations in the past of becoming an "expert" of sorts who can benefit others with relevant information, I don't seek to be an influencer. If anything, any influence I exert (which I assume would be quite nil) should be to point back to Jesus or to the Bible. While I can admire some online personalities for being able to make things look effortless and inspiring, I'm at the point in my life where I don't want to adopt lifestyle trends for the sake of monetization.
4. The author of this book makes many bold assertions, so I'm not surprised that the language of vileness is used here. While I would potentially walk that word back, I can understand where she is coming from as she also teaches on the necessity of hospitality as part of our Christian witness. Even if the language is strong here, I do appreciate the idea of being present when surrounded by others and not being lost to online activities, which I am frequently guilty of committing. Modesty in this sense to me, seems to reference more of a self-control and proper prioritization of life, in addition to what we expose ourselves to or expose of ourselves online.

What does this passage teach me?

First, it affirms that I am on the right path where I don't need to expose my privacy in order to gain followers. I am protective of my identity because I care for those in my life, and I don't wish to distract from my goal of sharing about Christian books on this platform. While I desire to be personable, it does not mean that I need to compromise and share what I am uncomfortable with having others know about me.

Second, it teaches me to regard other Christian women in the proper light. As I've shared before in a post about the privileges of reading, the nature of being online can cause us to consume others' lives. I have tried to lower my expectations so that I'm not assuming others can always share more information about their lives or produce new content to keep up with whatever imagined pace exists. I want to respect boundaries and space, knowing that we're all just juggling life and the many responsibilities that it entails.

Third, it reinforces the concept that I don't need to share all of my thoughts online, which is slightly different from sharing aspects of my life. I've learnt to "stay in my lane," as you will, because I recognize that not everyone needs to or wants to hear each thought that comes across my mind on any type of subject. This is partly what I mean when I think about the notion of "opinions about opinions." Some are helpful, but not all are edifying. It makes me question how modest I really am when I insist on my voice being present.

Today, our discourse online is so fractured, and the last thing I want to do is jump into the fray. It's not that I want to become a doormat without opinions, but I hardly see the value in providing my thoughts or opinions on a constant basis when they may be unsolicited. While I love to write about the Christian faith and books and appreciate that people can have many thoughts on other subjects as well, I question whether I need to go beyond my main subject areas into topics such as politics, health, the economy, etc. Even arguments about what is biblical and not biblical can take me down many rabbit trails, so I've had to guard myself from getting worked up over things.

Of course, it does help when I'm the one writing on my blog, but I also feel a keen responsibility to not stir up anything in an uncharitable manner. I still have firm convictions, but it's more important that I ask for God's help in communicating them well. The challenge isn't that I don't have opinions about opinions, it's that I want to discern when I should share them, where I should do so, and how to go about it—if at all.

Communication is one of the things that I pondered as well after finishing Five Lies of Our Anti-Christian Age. I love the author's testimony as I've had the opportunity to read it in several of her books. Where I struggled is that parts of the book came across as "shoulds" rather than "oughts" or just reflections of her personal experiences. I'm not disputing anything that is biblical, but there were a few extraneous things I noticed that I didn't quite feel right about, such as her stance on how worship should be conducted and how to address the sins of others. I think that because of how God has saved her and the expertise that she possesses, she is able to confront people on a number of things. However, I don't have that same experience or background, so I don't feel that I should be approaching others in the way that she can (if you read the book, you'll understand what I mean).

These things aside, I did benefit from the thoughts on modesty and how our public and online lives may lead Christians to become exhibitionists in a sense. I'm not keen on sharing my opinions about opinions outside of what I feel I should be addressing, but I do want to respect others who do. I'm also not calling anyone I follow an exhibitionist 😆 It's more that others shouldn't be surprised if I don't choose to engage or participate in certain discussions for the sake of protecting my sanity and in keeping my social footprint small and Lord-willing, godly, because only He knows the trouble I could get myself into on here!